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A Hot Blonde Walks into a Bar…. Issue 6

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Greetings Resilient Friends,

Hey there…

Have you heard the joke about the hot blonde that walks into a bar? She sees an older gentleman sitting alone at the bar. “Hi there”, she says, sliding onto the next bar stool. “I’ll do anything you’d like for $200.” Placing her hand on his thigh, she gives him a sexy wink. The man sighs, thinks for a few moments, and then he pulls out his wallet. “It’s a deal”, he says. “I want you to paint my house.”

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As we grow older, our priorities change ;)

For me… I now strive to replace my drama, personal chaos, and busy disorganization with… peace, integrity, and simplicity.

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Our priorities are the Whys in our lives… the reasons that guide our actions.

Both Acceptance and Gratitude along with other resilience skills have helped me live into my future and create more of what I want and less of what I don’t want.

But, there is one area of my life that I had trouble getting to Acceptance or Gratitude on. Perhaps some of you are also having trouble?

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My area lacking Acceptance and Gratitude was watching my husband decline and waste away with Alzheimer’s. He was a smart man, an electrical engineer. Now, he doesn’t know who I am, or who he is, only a shell of his former self. He is safe and well cared for, but I will never find acceptance witnessing this disease slowly suck the life out of another human being that I have known and loved.❤️

My husband went into memory care almost 3 years ago. Since then, I have found so many gifts in my new life, that I have Gratitude for… But also Guilt.

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I am far more compassionate of others now because of what I have gone through. I have found new meaning and purpose in helping others with Resilient Living and writing. I value my alone time, but also have made many new friends and valuable relationships. I am so grateful for my new found life, but I am not grateful for Alzheimer’s… it’s complicated.

Instead, I have replaced Gratitude with Appreciation. I will never have gratitude for Alzheimer’s. I do have Appreciation, a form of Gratitude, for the new life I have been open to finding, and the skills I have developed to deal with the slow and painful loss of my husband.

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And most of all, I have appreciation for my realizing how very precious my remaining time is. Something I took for granted in the past.

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Acceptance felt to me like making it okay, or normalizing it. Once I realized that, I started to think about what words I could use instead of Acceptance. I can Acknowledge it, and I believe acknowledge is a form of Acceptance.

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I have figured out that my resistance to Acceptance of my husband’s illness is because his loss is an ongoing process. Not a loss that happened and is now in the past. Perhaps some of you have an ongoing situation that is also difficult to find Acceptance with or Gratitude for?

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Try acknowledgment and then…Let It Be.

For my ongoing loss, I cannot Let It Go, but I can Let It Be. This is a small distinction. Let It Be, allows me to live beside it, instead of Let It Go, that feels like I am putting it behind me.

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Acknowledgement, Appreciation, and Let it Be are the words I use to find peace with my husband’s illness. These words, in place of Acceptance, and Gratitude allow me to visit him weekly to support him, and connect with his caregivers.

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And back to my Whys, I feel I am living with integrity… doing the right thing for him, and at the same time doing the right thing for me.

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Acknowledge and Let It Be allows me to live with Alzheimer’s, and make Peace with it.

And by finding new words, that work for me, I can gain the benefits of the resilience skills of

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Acceptance and Gratitude….

finding my WHYS…Peace, Integrity, and Simplicity in my life.

So, if you are in a mental and emotional struggle, try to find the words that work for you. The words I use work for me, and you are certainly welcome to borrow them. Or perhaps with a little thought you can come up with the perfect words to bring you the peace of acceptance and gratitude. ❤️

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We are all in this together, Susan and Mike

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